It almost doesn't feel real

I was so miserable for so long. It began with the wedding that I had planned by myself... so much was missed and I let that eat me alive for months. Then I had the worst job I had ever imagined and couldn't just up and leave because of a little thing called "responsibility." Oh, the joy of adulthood. I cried almost every day because I am that type of person who believes not a day of this short life is worth living with unhappiness and my unhappiness lasted way too long.

Now, I have a new job that I start on Monday as head teach for a class of toddlers. Although I don't think it would be my first pick, I'm taking it in stride and allowing myself to see what I can really do. I have control and real responsibility with this job and that is something relatively new.

In more exciting news, Happenings has welcomed be back with open arms. I'm now working on an article you're sure to see in the August issue. To make things even better, my editor asked if I would like some part-time work helping out in the graphic design area. Now that is what I call a part-time job! And I must add that I did actually pray for this one. My editor offered it to me because I'm dependable, but she needed to speak to the head honcho before confirming. During that wait I prayed for myself. I honestly can't remember the last time I prayed for myself- other than for courage or strength. It's scary because you start feeling that you better watch your step or the ground can fall from under you.

That is why I don't like to talk about it or to get too excited about it. If I do then everything might just disappear and I'll fall even harder. So... I'm breathing deeply and trying to take it slowly. I'll do my best and hope that the normalcy I feel and the enjoyment of life and work will stick around for a while... a long while.

To feel human again

I just finished my first article for Happenings Magazine, my second time around. This time it's on my free time and just so I can keep sharp. Yes, it means I'm not getting paid. But hopefully I'll keep getting published and that makes it a step in the right direction!

I finish at BoA next week, have a week of vaca, then work starts with the two-year-olds. I'm nervous because I'm not that person who grew up babysitting or watching younger brothers or sisters. I don't even feel I relate that well with kids. BUT I have my Associates in ECE and once again, the new job is a step in the right direction for where I want to end up in life... plus it is a day job with weekends off!! HURRAY

It is so exciting to be writing again though. I feel good about the article I finished tonight... I feel human again. I was really considering a possibility of clinical depression... or just a phase of deep depression... I'll say it again. These changes are really a step in the right directions. I feel I'm coming out of it already!

Okay... I'm tired and rambling, but I just needed to say... I FEEL HUMAN AGAIN! :)